I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
