she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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