I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
