i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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