TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
