My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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