I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he told me I talked like a deaf person
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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