you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I want a musical about memes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
