just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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