i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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