god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
