I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
