Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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