plz talk dirty to me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
