this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
