dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
