Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
