This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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