We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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