I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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