But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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