im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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