I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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