Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
