I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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