oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
