To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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