No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
