i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
