I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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