Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
