Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize