My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
