i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
