I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize