She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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