this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
