I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
