Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
