yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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