I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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