I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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