I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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