It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
