wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
