a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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