Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize