Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
