i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
