I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
