we have officially lost it.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Actions speak louder than pants.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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