i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need to calm my uterus...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
