the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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