need another drink. this is the easiest way
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
