i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
