Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
