If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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