I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
