i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize