It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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