The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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